A CRIME OF PASSION
A play to be performed at Kontula shopping centre on September 12, 2021, 1600 hours
Event page on Facebook: (6) Unusual Companionships – Alena Tereshko & Antti Kukkonen | Facebook
Dedicated to Jevgeny
I Jumbo welcomes the audience with his monologue
Jumbo: Soon I will speak with the businessman of our community, Naha. He owns a firm, Mister Easy Business and knows everything about business and money. I want to discuss with him which stocks to buy. You see, I have an idea. I will buy stocks of Big Pharma, because they are too corrupt to fail. If one hundred thousand people die of heart failure due to mRNA-gene therapy, media says big pharma has saved a million. If one hundred million dies, they say that vaccinations have saved the human and animal kind. So, they cannot fail, a priori, and my money is safe.
Katya: what is a priori?
Jumbo: Something not based on empirical evidence, a truth by definition only, like the fact that bachelors are unmarried men. You don’t need to look out of the window to find that out. A posteriori, that is something based on empirical evidence, mRNA-gene therapy causes a great amount of harm to people, but a priori they save the human- and animalkind.
Katya: Jumbo, this is wrong! We should care for people and animals and not support their killers and give them money.
Jumbo: You don’t understand, Katya! Of course, people are killed, but a posteriori only. A priori they are not and that is what counts.
Jumbo and Katya enter Naha’s fridge.
II In Naha’s fridge
Naha lies on the fridge. Jumbo approaches him.
Jumbo: Naha, I want to discuss money and business!
No movement or sign of life from Naha’s part. Jumbo slams him gently with his trunk. Naha does not react.
Jumbo: Perhaps he has long covid once he doesn’t respond.
Katya: He seems so ill that I think it’s serious covid, if covid at all.
Jumbo: Tröööt! Long covid is often more serious than serious covid.
Katya: But obviously serious covid is more serious than long covid.
Jumbo: Tröööt! You don’t understand basic concepts here, perhaps because you are a panda and this requires serious reflection, something elephants are good at. Of course, serious serious covid is more serious than mild long covid. But long covid per se is more often than not more serious than serious covid.
Kasimir: I’ve been listening to your debate. Jumbo, you forget your own principles now. You urged us to think in an a priori way, and surely a priori serious covid is always serious whereas long covid is serious only contingently, that is a posteriori, if at all.
Jumbo: Well, think for yourself: for a year you cannot study, because you lose your cognitive capabilities, you can’t taste or smell, not even walk, if you have long covid.
Kasimir: All I hear is a posteriori description of the disease.
Jumbo: Tröööt! Nope, patients do not have long covid due to these symptoms, they have these symptoms because they have long covid.
Kasimir: …in the same way a triangle has three edges, because it is a triangle?
Katya: …and elections in Belarus were falsified because they were Belarus elections?
Kasimir: … and the US elections were honest and fair because the US is the beacon of freedom?
Jumbo: Tröööt, tröt tröt trööööt! Exactly, now you have learned to think a priori. Welcome to the modern world!
Katya: But what about Naha? I still worry about him.
Jumbo: Yes, when he hears the words business and money he is normally like a Duracell-bunny, but now he doesn’t react at all.
III The truth about Naha is found out, with Isovelikarhu’s help. After that Isovelikarhu gathers the guys for questioning.
Katya: Now we need Isovelikarhu. Isovelikarhu, please come!
Isovelikarhu enters the room. He puts his ear into Naha’s chest and tries to hear his heartbeat.
Isovelikarhu: Exitus. Naha is dead. The time of death between 9 and 10 pm last evening. I need Valentina.
Valya, Isovelikarhu’s torpedo enters the room.
Isovelikarhu: Secure the area, close the door and don’t let anyone leave, including the humans in this room! I want everyone here for questioning.
The animals gather together.
Isovelikarhu: Who first noticed he is dead?
Katya: When we entered the room, he didn’t move, but we thought he has a serious or a long covid that is more serious that the serious one.
Isovelikarhu: Don’t play games with me! This is a homicide investigation, not a class of Scholastic philosophy.
Jumbo: But long covid is more serious than serious covid, and because of that we though he has long covid and does not talk, because long covid impairs cognitive abilities, of course only when not vaccinated, because with vaccination long covid is not long or is very short or at least not serious.
Isovelikarhu: Now everyone will explain his or her roundabouts last evening between 9 and 10 pm. Let’s start with you Arhi. Where were you during this period?
Arhi: I was debating with my collegue Arhi the human. We were discussing my theory according to which during the last 55.000 years there has been a colony of Finnish bears on the planet Uranus. To be more precise, we were debating the technology they were using to facilitate their space travel. You see, they gained the necessary energy needed from Finnish pyramids that were energy power plants.
Isovelikarhu: Pyramids were tombs for pharaos, not power plants. Also, the necessary technology was lacking for this travel. 55.000 years old spaceship. You make me laugh.
Arhi: They did not need spaceships, because the pyramids empowered them directly. There are serious lacks in your knowledge, Isovelikarhu. However, Arhi the human, can corroborate my story.
Isovelikarhu: Tike, where were you between 9 and 10 pm?
Tike: I was hunting Helsinki University’s cows in Viikki. It was just about the time I killed a cow.
Isovelikarhu: Prove that!
Tike: I still have some meat from the cow I killed.
Isovelikarhu: Bring me the meat. I can verify when the cow was killed.
Tike brings some cow meat to be shown. Isovelikarhu investigates the meat.
Isovelikarhu: This cow was killed at 9:21 pm at Viikki area. It means that you are innocent.
Tike starts to eat the meat.
Isovelikarhu: Petrovich, where were you between nine and ten pm?
Petrovich: I had a meeting with Naha from eight to ten. I was proposing him how to enlarge his business imperium. I advised him that he could use his already well-known penguin logo to publish inexpensive paperback books and bring high-quality fiction and non-fiction to the mass market. I told that his publishing house might be called “The Penguin books”. He very much liked the idea and promised to give this a thought.
Arhi, Katya & al.: hmmm, not a bad idea.
Isovelikarhu: So, you were the last to see him alive.
Petrovich: So, it seems.
Isovelikarhu: I start to wonder whether the following might have been the case. Naha told you about founding a lucrative business, a publishing house, The Penguin Books. You became jealous and wanted to steal his business idea. So, you killed him.
Isovelikarhu: If you are a businessman and had a lucrative idea, why not realize it yourself?
Petrovich: I have no time once my own business is growing and needs all my attention. And besides, Naha is a talented entrepreneur.
Isovelikarhu: Ok, we leave it at that, but I will be following you.
Isovelikarhu turns to Jumbo.
Isovelikarhu: Jumbo, where were you between nine and ten.
Jumbo: On the phone, because a corona tracer called me.
Isovelikarhu: Hmm… Now you are free to leave. The questioning continues later if necessary.
IV Reading of Naha’s last will
Isovelikarhu, Arhi, Katya & al are sitting at the table. They are in a solemn mood, serious and focused, just murmurring. A knock on the door. Attorney Leo arrives to read Naha’s last will. He takes the papers out of his bag and starts to read.
Leo: I am reading to you Naha’s last will: “It is my sincere wish that my company Mister Easy Business goes to Petrovich, because he is a talented businessman and is able to see that my business empire grows. He is also at will to change the business plan of the company if he deems it necessary for the business to grow.”
Isovelikarhu: (Shouts with a loud voice) Cui bono!
Guys look at each other curiously.
Jumbo: Cui bono! Is it something eatable?
Isovelikarhu: No, it means who benefits and now I know who benefits. Petrovich! First of all, Petrovich has no alibi. Secondly, he is to benefit from Naha’s death. This is what businessmen are like. They are willing to kill and torture even their mothers for money. Valya, take him to prison!
Petrovich: I’m innocent. Naha was my friend.
Valya: Now to prison, Petrovich. I never could have thought that you do something like this.
Valya puts Petrovich to prison and speaks to him:
Valya: I have to admit, first I thought the murdered was a communist because I myself once thought that Naha is a kulak, once he owned more than two fishes. Only when Isovelikarhu told that kulak is someone with more than five fishes I understood I was wrong. But maybe some communist made the same error as I did and killed Naha. However, now we know it was you.
V Isovelikarhu reads The Art of the Deal
Isovelikarhu is at the table, reading a book.
Isovelikarhu: “That was just the icing on the cake. By this time, Trump Tower was an unqualified success. It had given me visibility and credibility and prestige. It was also a great success financially. The way I figure it, the entire project—including land, construction costs, architecture fees, advertising and promotion, and finance charges—cost approximately $190 million. The sales of apartments have so far generated $240 million—meaning that even before including revenues from the stores and offices, we have earned a profit of approximately $50 million on Trump Tower…”
Jumbo and Katya are around the corner. First Jumbos ear is visible from the corner. Jumbo listens some moments and speaks to Katya in a low voice.
Jumbo: I know what he’s reading. It is The Art of the Deal by Donald Trump.
Katya: I don’t understand why he’s doing that. Isovelikarhu opposes everything vulgar. I could well imagine him reading A la recherche du temps perdu by Monsieur Marcel Proust, but Isovelikarhu and the level of vulgarity of Donald Trump do not make any sense, they do not belong to the same world.
Jumbo: I also don’t understand but I’m going to find out. I promise you that! But first I have to speak with Petrovich.
VI Jumbo meets Petrovich in prison
Jumbo: (addresses the audience) I guess you also see my problem here. I want to discuss the killing of Naha with Petrovich, but what can I do once he’s guarded by the torpedo of Isovelikarhu, Valya. Guess how I thought to resolve this problem. Valya is a dedicated Stalinist. Stalin is for her not only a politician but a target of love and worship.
So here’s what we will do. I will play a speech of the Vozhd as Stalin used to be called. The point is to lure her out of the prison, so I can communicate with Petrovich.
Jumbo goes towards the tablet on the table.
Jumbo: Antti, you have fingers and I have a trunk. So, help me. I want to a speech of Stalin to be played.
Antti: Is Stalin’s final speech good enough?
Jumbo: I don’t give a damn as long as it’s Stalin.
Stalin’s voice comes from the tablet. Meanwhile in prison…
Valya: Ooh, what I hear. A beautiful voice I hear, full of wisdom and beauty. That beautiful Grusian accent, it can only be Stalin…
Valya walks outside the prison towards the tablet.
Valya: Сталин [Stalin] мой хороший, Сталин мой герой.
Jumbo walks inside the prison towards Petrovich.
Jumbo: Petrovich, how are you?
Petrovich: Unhappy. I lost perhaps my best friend and our guys think I killed him.
Jumbo: I need to know did you do it? Speak honestly!
Petrovich: Of course, I did not.
Jumbo: I knew that! And not only did I know that. I also know who killed him.
Petrovich: What! Who was it?
Jumbo: I keep it as a secret, but you will find out soon!
VII Guys are sitting at the table when Isovelikarhu confesses
Katya: I think we have to say, whoever killed Naha is a really competent murderer, maybe a professional hitman. This makes me think that the motivation was money, because only rich businessmen can afford hiring competent hitmen.
Isovelikarhu: Bu-hu-hu-hu. Yes, this we must admit. A very competent hitman, indeed.
Jumbo: No, the truth is completely the opposite. Now, look, the knife did not enter straight into the heart, but to the side of the heart. It almost missed the vital organ. A professional hitman knows where to hit. This guy was a tourist, a joke. Perhaps some vagabond who needed money to buy a bottle of vodka.
Isovelikarhu: (in an extremely angry and frustrated mood, shouting) The knife went in the middle of the heart. There is one and only one person in the world who can commit technically such a perfect crime, and he is…
Isovelikarhu understood he said something not planned, indeed and goes silent.
Jumbo: (with a loud voice, even for Jumbo) Trööööt, Isovelikarhu!
Valya: Боже мой! Isovelikarhu!
Jumbo pulls Isovelikarhu with his trunk to the centre of the table and stands on Isovelikarhu’s chest.
Jumbo: (shouts first in Finnish, then in English) Valya, ota jalat hallintaan! Control his feet!
Valya graps Isovelikarhu’s feet. All the other animals at the table grab Isovelikarhu by some body part to keep him still.
Jumbo: Valya, take him to jail and free Petrovich!
Valya takes Isovelikarhu to jail and locks the door.
VIII Isovelikarhu and his defence attorney Olga Vladimirovna negotiate on the defence
Olga arrives to jail.
Olga: Good afternoon, Isovelikarhu, I am Olga Vladimirovna, your attorney.
Isovelikarhu: Good Afternoon!
Olga: I propose we begin with you explaining what happened with Naha. I need to know all relevant details and your motivation for the deed. Let us start by one obvious question: guilty or not guilty?
Isovelikarhu: (looks down, with a depressive mood): Guilty!
Olga: Why did you kill Naha?
Isovelikarhu: Surely you know that I am the world’s best at everything.
Olga: We all know that for sure.
Isovelikarhu: Well, what does it mean to be the world’s best at everything? On the hand one might say that being the world’s best at everything means to be world’s best at every imaginable activity or field. And surely I, Isovelikarhu, am the world’s best at every imaginable activity from Nordic walking to astronomy and philosophy, not to forget French cuisine, of course.
On the other hand, I also need to be the world’s best at everything meaning the totality of all these activities, these activities seen as a whole. We might say that I need to be the world’s best in actualizing the best possible combination. After all, what should the world’s best do: write Latin poetry or sail around the world. You cannot do everything with limited time once also the world’s best is mortal. Whatever is the answer, it is the whole that matters.
My existential crisis is that I have not found a satisfactory answer to this question, that is, how to lead my life as a whole. I cannot concentrate on one activity only, because I am not a bourgeois specialist who can devote his life to his field of expertise only. I sometimes ask myself is a bourgeois specialist prouder because his focuses on his field of expertise only or because he couldn’t give a less about the outside world.
Surely, I could be a better businessman than Naha or Petrovich, but here’s the problem. If I focus on business, the quality of my whole life, that should be the best in the world, diminishes of quality. If I start to focus on business, my world is no longer the best in the world, because business by far is not the most elevated activity or field of interest in the world. This was well known by all French aristocrats who left business to be taken care of by bourgeoisie as a class. The nobility focused on higher values and purposes in the world. In order to be the world’s best businessman, it is not enough to have the capability to be the world’s best businessman. This capability I also must actualize in real life, not just in my thoughts. And if I actualize it, my world is poorer.
This I clearly understood. Problem is that I also understood that the possibility that in real life Naha and Petrovich are better businessman than me was also not an option for me. When pondering on this issue back and forth my mind darkened and I saw no other way to exit the situation than to get rid of them. I decided to liquidate Naha and put Petrovich behind bars for good. After that I could again concentrate on philosophy, poetry, frontier science and of course French cuisine.
However, I was soon to realize that this plan does not work. After my shameful deed I have been able to concentrate on nothing but business. I’ve been reading Trump’s The Art of the Deal in trying to forget my shame. That hasn’t helped. My life is ruined.
Isovelikarhu looks down with utmost depression on his look.
Olga: Interesting thoughts indeed, but we can use none of that in court room.
Isovelikarhu: I tried to be as honest as I can.
Olga: I believe that but we need solid legal arguments, not Scholastic philosophy.
Isovelikarhu: This speech was not Scholasticism, but world view -philosophy and existentialism.
Olga: (bored) Whatever, Isovelikarhu, here’s what we will do. We will claim that you killed Petrovich because you have long covid -disease. It is the disease that caused your deed, not you yourself.
Isovelikarhu: But I do not have covid, short or long!
Olga: Ha ha ha, you never heard of a PCR-test? Especially after having cycled the sample enough times, I can easily show that my old Volkswagen Golf has corona. Ha ha ha… We just need a doctor. Poku Poku!
Poku Poku enters the room with a stick in his hand and puts it in the nose of Isovelikarhu. Poku Poku then puts the stick in his box.
Poku Poku: Just a few seconds. No covid yet. We need just a bit more cycles.
Circling the box around and around…
Poku Poku: Now, enough cycles! There we have it. Now you officially have covid. Congratulations, Isovelikarhu!
IX The Trial
Isovelikarhu, Olga and Gena are sitting at the table with papers in their hand. The judge Moose enters the scene.
Paavo (the bailiff): The honourable judge Moose.
Moose: Please take your seat. Our case today is The People v. Isovelikarhu. The charge is murder in the first degree. Isovelikarhu, how do you respond, guilty or not guilty?
Olga: We acknowledge the crime, Your Honor, but Isovelikarhu is not criminally responsible due to his illness, long covid.
Moose: As you wish. Prosecutor Gennady Porfirovich, you have the floor.
Gena: Thank you Your Honor. Carthago delenda est, as said the great Cato.
Olga: (stands up with great commotion) What? These were supposed to be my opening remarks!
Moose: Olga Vladimirovna, be silent, or I have you removed from the court room. Gennady Porfirovich, please continue.
Gena: Your Honor, ladies and gentlemen, in Isovelikarhu’s deed we are witnessing the collapse of Western liberal society that is based on greed and individualism. In this decadent society everyone wants to rise up to the top of the social hierarchy and push down those who are vanquished, just like Isovelikarhu. In fact, in this culture those who are vanquished should also worship the winners in this sinful game and by so doing uphold the corrupt order of this culture. What kind of individualism is this? What the decadent Western world calls individualism is in fact the most corrupt and soulless form of collectivism. It is collectivism based on worshipping the so-called winners, in fact soulless losers. In true individualism also the rules of the game are individual, specific to each or yet better something negotiated between the individual and God.
By condemning Isovelikarhu we condemn Western decadence in toto that has changed the Bible and true philosophy, masters of thinking from Plato to Soloviev to The Art of The Deal and pornography. What can save us at the end of the day is Russian collective life represented by the village collective that we call the Мир (Mir). As our great author, Fedor Mihailovich Dostoyevsky once said…
Olga: This is a fantastic combo of Putinism, Duginism, Narodnikism and Orthodox propaganda. What you call the corrupt West is the beacon of democracy and freedom that has been replaced by Putin and his minions in the Kremlin. Who is more corrupt, the great Russian Westernizer Alexei Navalnyi or Putin with his fake Christianity? Who has more courage, more moral bravery, Navalnyi or Putin? First, we had Putin the businessman, then Putin the believer… This guy is a fake.
Moose: I would like to remind you that this is not a seminar on Russian social and political philosophy. Gospodin Navalnyi and Gospodin Putin do not stand on trial today. Isovelikarhu does. I warn you, you will soon be removed from the court room and charged with contempt. I have enough of this. We proceed. I call Alena Tereshko to witness stand as a witness for the prosecution.
Alena arrives and sits down.
Moose: (To Alena) Please, repeat after me: I swear that the evidence that I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
Alena: I swear that the evidence that I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
Moose: Gennady Porfirovich, your witness!
Gena: Please state your name and occupation for the record.
Alena: Alena Evgenevna Tereshko. I am an artist.
Gena: Where have you studied?
Alena: I studied in The Saint Petersburg Stieglitz State Academy of Art and Design.
Gena: Do you recognize this painting?
Gena shows the painting with Isovelikarhu, Naha and Petrovich.
Alena: Yes, I painted it.
Gena: What is the name of the painting?
Alena: “Isovelikarhu kummeksuu kahden liikemiehen keskustelua”
Gena: And how is that in English?
Alena: Isovelikarhu wonders the debate between two businessmen.
Gena: How would you describe the mental state of Isovelikarhu when you painted this picture?
Alena: He’s lost a bit.
Gena: Why is he lost a bit?
Olga: Objection, speculation!
Moose: Overruled. Please continue, Gennady Porfirovich.
Gena: I repeat, why is he lost a bit?
Alena. It is my opinion, but I think he’s not used to speak about business and they discuss only this issue.
Gena: Do you think that in this occasion Isovelikarhu thought that Naha and Petrovich knew business better than he himself?
Alena: Yes, I think so.
Gena: What does Isovelikarhu think of his own abilities based on situations when you’ve communicated with each other?
Alena: Isovelikarhu seems very self-confident and he knows everything.
Gena: Well, was he self-confident in this occasion?
Alena: Probably not.
Gena: Why so?
Alena: He was not self-confident because he did not know the topic as well as Naha and Petrovich.
Gena: Has Isovelikarhu stated on some occasion that he’s the world’s best at everything?
Gena: Are you sure about this?
Alena: He has spoken like that many times.
Gena: Tell us what happened September 4th in Pasila, where your artist’s studio is located.
Alena: One week ago in our open studio occasion Isovelikarhu and Petrovich came to visit me. Petrovich said that he’s richer than Isovelikarhu and because of this more important.
Gena: How did Isovelikarhu react?
Alena: Isovelikarhu was angry and said that he’s the most important.
Gena: No further questions, Your Honor.
Moose: Olga Vladimirovna, your witness.
Olga: Alena Evgenevna, are you an expert on psychiatric medicine?
Alena: No, I am not.
Olga: Are you an expert on psychology?
Alena: No, I am not.
Olga: Do you have an educational degree in the field of psychiatric medicine or psychology?
Alena: No, I don’t have.
Olga: Did your studies at Stigliez academy contain courses on psychiatric medicine or psychology?
Alena: No, they did not.
Olga: Maybe the witness therefore should concentrate on art, for example on organizing puppet theatres for soft animals and stop speculating on Isovelikarhu’s state of mind.
Moose: You are going too far. Do not try to humiliate the witness. Paavo, Olga Vladimirovna’s last comment will be removed from the court record.
Paavo: Yes, Your Honor.
Olga: No further questions, Your Honor.
Moose: I call Dr Poku Poku to witness for the defence.
Poku Poku walks to witness stand.
Moose: Please repeat after me: I swear that the evidence that I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
Poku Poku: I swear that the evidence that I shall give shall be the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God.
Olga: Dr Poku Poku, tell us of your educational background.
Poku Poku: I have a doctor’s degree in virology and vaccination research from the University of Heidelberg. I have done post doc research at Harvard and Stanford. In the current time, together with Professor Mika Rämet we are making research at Tampere University on vaccinating fetuses, that is unborn babies still in their mothers’ wombs. The idea is to put the vaccination needle through the mothers’ stomach. The problem is, of course, that the needle can pierce the baby’s skull and hit the brain. There have also been cases when a needle has pierced the baby’s heart. But we think together with Professor Rämet that the benefits here clearly outweigh the risks.
Olga: Sounds very reasonable. Dr Poku Poku, tell us of long covid disease.
Poku Poku: It is a very serious illness that can affect nearly every organ system including respiratory system disorders, nervous system and neurocognitive disorders, mental health disorders, and so on.
Olga: Thank you Dr Poku Poku. Do tell us, is it possible that long covid can lead someone to kill somebody.
Poku Poku: Certainly, not directly. If one has no reason to hate someone or want harm to him or her, long covid as such cannot cause this kind of behaviour. However, as I said a minute ago, long covid can affect nervous system and cause cognitive dysfunction.
Olga: Describe, how long covid affects the nervous system.
Poku Poku: Well, in vulgar terms we might say that long covid can cause a nervous breakdown. That is to say, if a long covid patient meets some resistance from the outside world in the sense that everything is not going according to his plans, completely erratic behaviour might follow. Let us take an example: Let us assume that our long covid patient is driving a car. It happens often that one must wait at traffic lights. A long covid patient might find even a small waiting period intolerable and push the other cars with his car to exit the stressful situation. He so to say loses contextual capabilities. A small resistance might mean for him a total loss of control.
Olga: Isovelikarhu has reported that his way of life and basic values were jeopardized due to Naha’s success in business. Isovelikarhu disvalues business but still thought he must compete with Naha and have more success in business than him. How does all this seem from the point of view of long covid -disease?
Poku Poku: If a long covid patient attributes a moral agency to someone in the sense that this someone has caused him to lose orientation, a burst of violence is to be expected.
Olga: So, Naha’s excellence in business was something Isovelikarhu saw as a threat because he is the world’s best at everything or at least thinks he is. Once he experienced the situation this way, due to long covid he was unable to control his reaction.
Poku Poku: Very much like this yes.
Olga: If he didn’t have long covid, how the situation would have been different.
Poku Poku: Well, he would have been able to rationalize the situation, to reflect, what would have been a reasonable and morally acceptable behaviour.
Olga: So, once he was in this situation of having lost basic orientation due to Naha’s excellence in business, he was unable to act otherwise.
Poku Poku: Clearly so, yes.
Olga: No further questions. Your Honor.
Moose: Gennady Porfirovich, your witness.
Gena: Thank you, Your Honor. Do tell us Dr Poku Poku, how do we know that someone has died due to covid. What are the covid mortality statistics based on?
Poku Poku: If someone is deceased within four weeks of a positive PCR-test, the science estimates that he or she has died due to covid.
Gena: Do you make any difference if someone has died with covid from someone dying because of covid
Poku Poku: (angrily, with frustration) What is this? Are you a covid denier? A conspiracy theorist?
Moose: Please answer the question, Dr Poku Poku.
Poku Poku: We, the experts, don’t think this difference is relevant.
Gena: And how do you classify if someone has died due to long covid?
Poku Poku: The science here is clear. If someone has died between a month and a year after a positive PCR-test, he has died because of long covid.
Olga: This is completely reasonable.
Moose: Olga Vladimirovna, it is not your turn to speak.
Gena: What if someone dies less than one month after vaccination. Has he died because of vaccination?
Poku Poku: Vaccinations are completely safe. We have no proven casualties.
Gena: So, if someone is killed in a traffic accident, or perishes at sea, between a month and a year from a positive PCR-test, did he or she died because of long covid?
Moose: Gennady Porfirovich, what are you getting at?
Gena: I am trying to point out that the science and the facts behind covid and especially behind long covid are far from solid and trustworthy.
Moose: Gennady Profirovich, I soon will have you prosecuted and removed from the this court room for spreading wrong medical information. I stress on the following: covid denialism will not be accepted in this court room.
Gena: In that case, no further questions, Your Honor.
Moose: If there are no further questions, I will hereby pronounce the sentence. You need to remember one thing that is of importance as background knowledge. I am a founding member of Demla, that is Demokraattiset lakimiehet or Democratic lawyers in English. We at Demla oppose so called legal positivism as a legal philosophy. According to legal positivism, what is right and what is wrong is based on the text of the law only. Positivists think that law does not and should not serve any higher purposes like the ideal of justice in larger society. There is no inherent relation between law and morality, the positivists say. We at Demla think just about the opposite. We think good law equals and implicates good social policy. Judges should make decisions that serve the common good.
It is my strong conviction that many people do not yet understand the severity of long covid. Especially young people refuse to be vaccinated once they think that because they are young and healthy, they easily survive covid. They even dare to criticise vaccinations! If they knew that long covid can seriously damage their health for the rest of their lives, it is my conviction that their attitude towards vaccination would change, and they would accept the jab which is of course their social and moral responsibility, also. If in this case I can pronounce a sentence that would encourage especially young men to take the jab, it is my solemn responsibility as a member of Demla to pronounce a sentence that serves this purpose.
Therefore I acknowledge that the narrative of the events presented by Olga Vladimirovna clearly better suits my purposes as a Demla-lawyer. I want to see headlines according to which you will end up killing your intimate friends due to long covid if you refuse the jab.
I hereby convict Isovelikarhu in the following way: First, Isovelikarhu is obligated to resurrect Naha, something as a world’s best magician he should easily be able to do. Secondly, before leaving the court room Isovelikarhu is obligated to receive an mRNA-vaccination against covid so that in future he will not end up killing his friends. I am sure Dr Poku Poku can take care if this.
Poku Poku: У матросов нет вопросов! I gladly take care of this.
Poku Poku approaches Isovelikarhu and administers the jab into Isovelikarhu’s shoulder.
The guys surround dead Naha. Isovelikarhu moves his hand above Naha’s head and resurrects him.
Jumbo: Naha, you are alive. Welcome back!
Naha: I saw a dream in which I founded a publishing house, “The Penguin Books”. The house’s first book of non-fiction is to be a book I’ll write together with Isovelikarhu and Arhi. It’s a book about the secret Nazi and aliens’ bases beneath the ground in Antarctica. All the relevant conspiracies in the world are directed from these bases and not by Jews as is often wrongly thought.
Isovelikarhu: Bu-hu-hu-hu. This book we shall write together.
Arhi: Yes, we shall.